Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Except Ye Become As A Little Child...

Mark 9:36-37
And he took a child, and set him in the midst of them: and when he had taken him in his arms, he said unto them, "Whosoever shall receive one of such children in my name, receiveth me: and whosoever shall receive me, receiveth not me, but him that sent me."

Mark 10:15 KJV
"Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child, he shall not enter therein."

Matthew 18:3-6 KJV
And said, "Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.  And whoso shall receive such little child in my name receiveth me. But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea."

Luke 18:15-17
And they brought unto him infants also, that he would touch them: but when his disciples saw it, they rebuked them. But Jesus called them unto him, and said, "Suffer little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of heaven. Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child shall in no wise enter therein."
If Jesus told us this many times to become as little children...and bring our children unto Him...we had better listen...don't you think. I'd think it would be so much better than having a millstone hanged about my neck and being drowned in the depths of the sea!

Oh God open my eyes to thy word, help me to open my heart to thy spirit...that I may become as a little child, willing to be open to instruction...pliable in thine hands and stand before thee without guile. Teach me to trust thee implicitly and not become entangled in my own web of doubts and confusion, but humbly follow and obey thee without question...that "Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you (ME) will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ." Philippians 1:6
P.S. Kadence...Queen of the Sock Monkies!

Monday, January 14, 2013

Oh Well...Not much writing, but my photo is done!

Finished week two of my Project 52 shoot today with lil KD-bug, but the new blogger is making it difficult to add photos to go with my post ~ so all I'm going to say is how much I love and enjoy my adorable little granddaughter ~ She means more to me than the whole world and I enjoy spending so much time with my tiny angel baby.
So since I've been having trouble with the photos, I'll forget trying to write anything more this week and try to figure out how to add the photos to the new blogger instead... 
How different would the world be if we all had the heart and innocence of little children?
 My sweet little KD-bug...Nana loves you so much! xoxoxo

Tuesday, January 08, 2013

The Cleft of The Rock

If you look for the bad in people you will surely find it, but if instead you look for the good in them, more often than not, you will be presently surprised~ I think that also fits nicely with these photos taken of the same thing from three different point of views!

Be blessed today and look for the good not only in your family and friends, but look for the good that is in you...the good that God gifted you with...think about it...write it down and - if you need a daily reminder that you are worthwhile, try taping it to your mirror to reinforce it deep down within yourself that there is a good reason why you were put on this earth! (I'm speaking to myself here!)

This was from yesterday's shoot...I saw a very twisted up bunch of roots stuck into the side of the packed red dirt and rock of the mountain...I thought the roots created quite an interesting pattern, so I snapped a shot of it...but upon further inspection...I found the gem that I needed so badly for my inspiration that here it is ~ The gift of encouragement God gave to me yesterday...I am passing it on to you today. I hope it blesses you as it blessed me!
It reminded me of the scripture in Exodus 33 (please take a moment and read this short chapter of Exodus) - it goes to explain as such starting here with Moses pleading with God.

(KJV) "13) Now therefore, I pray thee, if I have found grace in thy sight, shew me now thy way, that I may know thee, that I may find grace in thy sight: and consider that this nation is thy people. 14) And he (GOD) said, "My presence shall go with thee, and I will give thee rest." 15) And he said unto him, If thy presence go not with me, carry us not up hence. 16) For wherein shall it be known here that I and thy people have found grace in thy sight? Is it not in that thou goest with us? So shall we be separated , I and thy people, from all the people that are upon the face of the earth." 17) And the LORD said unto Moses," I will do this thing also that thou hast spoken: for thou hast found grace in my sight, and I know thee by name.18) And he (Moses) said, "I beseech thee, shew me thy glory." 19" And he (GOD) said, "I will make all my goodness pass before thee, and I will proclaim the name of the LORD before thee; and will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and will shew mercy on whom I will shew mercy. 20) And he (The LORD) said, "Thou canst not see my face: for there shall no man see me, and live. 21) And the LORD said, "Behold, there is a place by me, and thou shalt stand upon a rock: 22) And it shall come to pass, while my glory passeth by, that I will put thee in a clift of the rock, and will cover thee with my hand while I pass by:" 23) "And I will take away mine hand, and thou shalt see my back parts: but my face shall not be seen."

God loved Moses enough to find a cleft in the rock to place him in and cover Moses' human body with His very own hand to protect him from the sheer intensity of his power, the sovereign transcendence of his glory coupled with the magnificent and unsurpassable, strength which would emanate from the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, that NO mortal could see and live ~ God loves us enough to find us a hidey-hole where he can cover us with his hands as a mother hen spreads her wings over her chicks for warmth and protection....

How could I get such encouragement and inspiration from some snapshots of twisted roots holding a huge tree to the side of a cliff and a little crevice in a rock???

God knew what I needed to see and be reminded of...His timing is impeccable!
P.S. He also knew how nuch I needed to spend some quality time with my very best friend in the whole wide world~
I am so blessed to be in love with my best friend!!!

Monday, January 07, 2013

So I decided to edit just one photo from today's shoot, since it was like a job half done by posting even a short writing without a photo....Like I said, not too excited about the shoot, but did get a wonderful surprise while there ~ more on that later.
I can't get Facebook to upload the photo at all, been trying for an hour, so I'll upload it here and see if FB will even allow me to post a link to this blog. I hope every one's first week of 2013 was better than you expected it to be!

Why can't I edit a post anymore.

This new blogger format has me stumped after a year and three months with no posts. I can't figure out how to edit my last post and add the photo for week number one that I just finished editing. I only have 14 minutes till week one is over and I've GOT to get that photo posted...never mind trying to write something profound! Facebook won't upload the photo either....what happened while I was taking a break???? HELP anyone? ! Week 1 of Project 42

Week 1...Finally

A sense of continuous falling through thin air, never hitting bottom...yet bracing for the smattering blow when the bottom is reached because if one fall's one eventually hits the bottom or the ground, right?
Took photos today, but the sense of fascination and expectation was lacking in a big way. I don't know why. Maybe I'm not meant to use a camera anymore. I'm just in a state of shock I guess. It's been so long since I did any "real photography" other than what I do on my iPhone (if that even counts) so maybe it's just going to mean taking the bull by the horns, so to speak, wrestle down my doubts about my ability and just keep on doing it.
So I've posted and photographed...just not the things I wanted to photograph today. I really wanted to finish KD's outfit and take some portraits of my grand baby, but too much happened Saturday to let me do maybe that is part of my disappointment about today's shoot. So much so that I don't even want to download and edit the photos from RAW so that they can be uploaded to my blog or FB.
But I just wanted to make sure that I kept my word...maybe week 2 will bring better, happier, more up-beat photos and posts. After all, what did I expect after a year and three months of no writing or posts whatsoever?!?!

Friday, October 07, 2011

A Reminder To "Be still & know that I am God."

"Be still and Know that I am God..." Psalms 46:10

Rebecca St. James: Be Still And Know
Check out the song from the orange link above:
All credits for song, lyrics & music go to
Rebecca St. James & are not my own.
They ministered to my heart today & I
wanted to share them with you today.

Lyrics for Rebecca St. James song: Be Still and Know
Be Still And Know
Alone in the valley
I cried for You

To fill me with
Your peace
So when the lightning strikes
Thunder rolls around me
Still I live in peace
You ask that I...

Be still and know
You are God

Be still and know
You are God
You are God...

When the fires rage
When the storms surrounds me
Still I live in peace
Though the mountains fall
Crash into the ocean
Still I live in peace
You ask that I...

Be still and know
You are God
Be still and know
You are God
You ask that I...
Be still and know

You are God
be still and know

You are God
You are God
You are God...

Lead me through the valley
Lead me by the streams
Restore me

And draw me to You God

To You I lift my soul
To You who makes me whole
Gently You hold me close to You
Ooohhh...Close to You...ooohhh…

Close to you…Ooohh...

Be still and know
You are God…

Be still and know
You are God…

Be still and know
You are God…

Be still and know
You are God…
Be still and know
You are God…

Be still and know
You are God…
You are God...

You're near me, You love me…
You hold me, You reach me…
You still me, You move me…

You draw me to You God…

You're near me, You love me…
You hold me, You reach me…
You still me, You move me…
You draw me to You God

You are God, You are God,
You still me, You draw me to You
You are God, You are God, You are God
When the fires rage, still, still, still, I live in peace...
You are God...

Friday, August 19, 2011

What Makes A Beautiful Life

"It's not how much wealth one accumulates, or how many expensive
possessions one can surround one's self with in a grand
house that really matters...all that ever truly matters is
to have my family, whom I love with all of my heart,
be healthy, near & dear, and have my simple cherished
items related with golden memories placed in tender love,
to grace my abode, however humble it may be...
Ah, Yes! For me...these are the makings of a beautiful life!"
© 2011 Susan Reynolds

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

The Gift of Fear

I'm walking in the darkness. Trees all around me, the soft crunch
of dried pine needles beneath my feet & crutches. Glimmers of
silvery moonshine, splotched heavily with shadows here
and there...random bits of light through the thick
darkness of the overhead branches in this dense forest.
I feel alone yet know I'm not entirely alone. I hear
nocturnal animals skittering in the outlying areas...crickets...
an owl hoots. I instinctively duck when I hear the whoosh
of wings over my head knowing it must be bats of some kind.
I feel afraid for the first time since I started my walk.
I stand still for a moment, eyes adjusted to the darkness...bits
of moonlight shining through. Eyes searching the night forest
for larger creatures, for anything I need to be afraid
gets quiet once more and I breathe easier with just the night
sounds of small creatures...I'm about to take another step
when just before me I see a hole covered with old boards
barely discernible in the dark forest, but the bits of
moonlight breaking through
the trees allows me to see a message in faded
red painted on the old reads:
I know now for certain I am not alone. God is here.
He gave me the gift of fear in that brief moment (no I didn't say
He gave me the "spirit of fear" - He does not give a "spirit of fear,
but of power love and a sound mind"). But he gave me the
gift of fear for just a short moment...just a sufficient amount
of fear to feel scared enough to make me 'stop and look
around' before I went on in the darkness to step on and fall
through those old boards that covered a deep old well.
I wouldn't have been found for days with no cell service up
there in the hills on that old dirt parked at the edge
of the forest and maybe a few footprints and the circles from
crutches that assisted me in my walk to go by...but no one knew
where I was going. No one knew I would be there. No one
would even know where to start looking as I had not passed
anyone on that long dirt road into the hills...No one that
is but the One who watches over us all the time...the One
who goes with us when all else forsake us...the One who
knows how many hairs are upon our head...the One who
knows every thought and intent of our heart.
Only He knew I was there alone.
He knew what would have happened if I'd taken
another step without seeing that sign.
This is a gift given to me in the darkness of a lonely night
journey trying to find some peace in the madness
that is my world right now.
A gift from a God who is always good and who always
loves me whether I feel worthy of love or am
trying to run from His love...or searching desperately in
the darkness to "find" his love and peace.
I need to remember this gift of love every day...I need to
realize that sometimes even feelings of fear can be a gift.
I need to bless others with the gift of the love which
He has bestowed so graciously upon me.
He loves me still.
He loves me always.
Of this I will remain confident in the midst of
the midst of darkness and even in the midst of a lonely
journey into a dark, moonlit forest to find peace.
Yes, He loves me still
He loves me always.

Wednesday, August 03, 2011

"Green With Envy"

This photo literally came to me in the middle of another one of those
sleepless nights that plague this insomniac! Dale, from one of my online
photography clubs had a monthly challenge to use a photo to describe
one of the "Seven Deadly Sins" and I chose "Envy" instead of
"Wrath" because though it makes me so upset when I cannot sleep,
I find myself envying those that can fall asleep right away within
minutes of their heads touching their pillows.
(Besides, others in our group had already use "Wrath")
So using the only thing at hand, I snapped this photo in the
dark with my little cell phone camera...I saw silver spots for
several minutes from the bright flash, but there popped up the
perfect photo for the monthly challenge, just adding a hint of green
to portray the color so much associated with envy or jealousy.
Hmmm, can't figure out how they do it, but maybe someday, this
insomniac will magically fall asleep within minutes of laying down!
Posted by Picasa

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Reach For The Sky...

"Sometimes I feel as though God has infused
within me, saturated my very soul with dreams
that are far beyond my reach...thus evoking
sheer reliance on His strength...causing
me to reach an absolute trust & faith in His divine
ability to transform my own inabilities into
capabilities...not to merely reach
those dreams, but to excel in them."
© 2011 Susan Reynolds
I think it's time to rely, trust, have faith
and just reach for that elusive sky...

Monday, July 18, 2011

A Short, Yet Necessary Lesson For Myself

A very short, yet extremely necessary
lesson for myself:
If I do not practice resting in
the peace of the presence of God,
I will be pulled down & locked
within the prison of perpexity,
distress and confusion...a state
of mind I cannot afford to let
myself be swallowed up in.
This scripture comes to my
mind: "Take my yoke upon you,
and learn of me; for I am meek
and lowly in heart: and ye shall
find rest unto your souls."
Matthew 11:29 

Thursday, July 14, 2011


Breathe…Love…Be…Create…These things I can do. Perhaps sometime in the future I can learn to live and laugh again, but for now just being, breathing, loving and creating is what keeps me going…as I maintain an open mind to acquire a teachable spirit while relaxing in the presence of my Heavenly Father. Remembering to have a thankful heart for each minute gift he bestows upon me daily, without reservation.
He is patient…Loving…Kind. He will not push his way into our hearts where He is not wanted, but rather will wait in silent love as we hold onto our own will…watching in sorrow as we are sweating it out on our own when he is but a prayer away.
Lord help me to be swift to call out to you for assistance, to present a thankful heart no matter what comes my way…to love you, to trust you with all of my heart and soul and mind and strength.
As my family sleeps peacefully snug in their beds, I step out into the night under the silvery moonlight so bright it almost hides the light of the stars... I slip onto the porch swing. I close my eyes and breathe in the heady, warm, exotic fragrance of the night-blooming jasmine that covers our picket fences, rocking slowly in the porch swing, basking in this scent that calms and soothes the spirit after a tiring day. The night breeze stirs the wind chimes to twinkle their melodies to me reminiscent of my “Wind-Dancer” awaiting us up in heaven…and my heart is thankful for these gifts…Silver moonlight, shining stars, gentle breezes, twinkling melodies of wind chimes, memories of our beloved son, anticipation for our daughter’s new baby that is coming, fragrant jasmine, porch swings…Yes, tonight I am blessed with an abundance of gifts.
Tonight I will just Breathe...I will Love...I will continue to try and Create what God gives to me to Create...I must learn to just "Be" in the presence of the Lord.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Living A Life of Thanksgiving...

Thanksgiving isn’t just a holiday in the United’s
a presence of mind...a state of being. Giving thanks precedes every miracle. Take one of the many
examples Jesus gave while on earth.
When Jesus then lifted up his eyes, and saw a great company come unto him, he saith unto Philip, Whence
shall we buy bread, that these may eat? And this he
said to prove him: for he himself knew what he would do. Philip answered him, Two hundred pennyworth of bread is not sufficient for them, that every one of them may take a little. One of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter's brother, saith unto him, There is a lad here, which hath five barley loaves, and two small fishes: but what are they among so many? And Jesus said, Make the men sit down. Now there was much grass in the place. So the men sat down, in number about five thousand. And Jesus took the loaves; and when he had given thanks, he distributed to the disciples, and the disciples to them that were set down; and likewise of the fishes as much as they wouldWhen they were filled, he said unto his disciples, Gather up the fragments that remain, that nothing be lost. Therefore they gathered them together, and filled twelve baskets with the fragments of the five barley loaves,
which remained over and above unto them that
had eaten. Then those men, when they had seen 
the miracle that Jesus did , said, This is of a truth
that prophet that should comeinto the world.”
John 6:5-14
If we withhold thanks we hinder ourselves from
being the recipient of the miracles & blessings God has in store for us. The next time I’m hesitant to thank God for what goes wrong, I need to think of
what would happen if I give thanks for the bad things
as well as the good things that take place in my life.
  Jesus gave thanks when he broke bread in the upper
room with his disciples, even prior to the awful death
he knew he would face on the Calvary, so that the
miracle of His resurrection could take place…allowing
anyone who willed, to be set free from the law
of sin and eternal death.
Every blessing or miracle is preceded with thanksgiving.
Lord, my quest, my vision, is to live each day with a t
hankful heart…learning to give thanks no matter what
comes my give thanks for the past...what
was, what has already happened to me...both the
bad & the good, for the present...what I am
going through now...every single thing, for the
future...what will come my way both what is dreadful
as well as what is favorable.
Living with thankfulness, not just on my lips through
the words I speak, but living with thankfulness filling
my heart, overflowing from my soul and permeating
my the point that all negativity is relinquished...abandoned to the
pit from whence it came.
I believe with all of my heart that this will truly unlock
my soul from the things in the past that have kept me bound...I know this to be true, because ourHeavenly Father promised us this in His
Word: "Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you,
and ordained you, that you should go forth and bring
forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain:
that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my
name, He may give it you."
John 15:16 
My prayer is to forsake & cast away what is
pessimistic, & begin to give thanksgiving to God for
everything that comes my way...
I know this will take time. I know it won’t be easy…some days it may be downright distressing…but in the long-run, this will become a way of life for me. Becoming a thankful person will not only change me but it will completely
change my outlook on life.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Father's Day 2011 & William is Missing...

Today is Father's Day & you should be celebrating your Dad with Charlotte...but all we have are memorials of the anniversaries of the day you went missing, the days searching, & the day you were finally found, or your birthday...yet still at each one your Dad lets us all know how much he loves you & misses you & tells stories about the great times he had being your Dad & all your funny stories & we are missing you more than ever...You were your Dad's best buddy & he misses you so are missing at his Father's Day dinner today. You should be with him...but God had other plans & my heart breaks a little more when I see your Dad miss you so's just not right that you are no longer with us...that you will not be here to carry on the family name & that your Dad was so proud to have a that our name would be kept alive...
If our love could have kept you alive...You'd be alive still, William...
Time cannot take away the hurt - It is impossible - One cannot merely turn the page as if it were a book and begin another chapter...The wound goes too deep...the agony of loss too great to heal. Part of our hearts and souls died when our son died...and we will never be the same people again...not ever, ever be the same people that we were before the accident...we are forever changed.
We miss our only beloved son dreadfully...I listen every day to the voicemail on my phone that he left me...calling just to tell me that he loved me...God knew I needed that message...I guess heaven needed our son more than we did...Is that possible?
I think of every moment of time we had with our only son & I count each moment as a beautiful treasure from heaven...given to us to enrich our lives! God truly blessed us with the best son in the whole world...our little brown boy....our Sweet William who was ornery & crazy & funny & lovable & silly and & downright cute! Oh dear God sometimes I think I will go mad with longing to have one of his "boy-hugs" again...William, we miss you so much...your crazy faces & your radiant white smile & the silly dances & jokes & pranks can we bear more music coming out of your room...your drums and bass guitar are still and silent.....& soon your room will have to be packed away because we have to leave our little "House of Dreams" our very first home that has so many carvings of your initials everywhere...
It's not right...I need to be in this our little home, to do your laundry & cook your meals & take care of you if you get sick...& just be your I've always done....that is what I am supposed to what do I do now? You are really truly gone & that is what is making me die on the inside & breaking my heart a little more every day...
Maybe we loved you too much? Is there such a thing?
Forever loving & missing you sweet William,
Pepe & Mums xoxo to you in Heaven Little Brown Boy. We love you for ever & miss you till heaven...

Monday, June 06, 2011

Urgent Prayer Request For Matt's Mother

I did not mean to offend anyone with my last post and I'm truly sorry if I did. My only desire with the prior post was to bring awareness to those that are not grieving the loss of a give a little glimpse into the our world so there is not such an awkwardness when we meet or so that they can realize that though we  may have changed, we still love, want and need interaction with our family and friends, though at times our actions seem to imply otherwise.
I send my love to all whom have reached out to our family and other families that have lost a child/children...we are grateful for anything you have done and still do to assist or comfort or help us along this road called grief.
So now, I will go on and write of other things for a while...try to find some new and maybe interesting material to share on my blog.
It's a "No Photo Monday" for me...will try and post photos later....

Our family does have an urgent request: Please help us pray for my Matt (my husband's) mother. She is very ill in the hospital and we need a miracle. We appreciate any prayer support you can offer. Thank you!

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

A Bereaved Parent's Wish List - Taken from The Road Less Traveled

A Bereaved Parent's Wish List - Taken from The Road Less Traveled...and edited to fit My Own Personal Journey
1. I wish my son hadn't died - It should have been me in his stead.. I wish I had him back again, to love, to hold, to get his great big "boy-hugs" every kiss his sun-browned cheeks.... I wish I knew what he would look like today and what he would have become when he was done "growing up". I wish he would be here in 7 months to see his new niece/nephew born...I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak my child's name. My child lived and was very important to me. I need to hear that he was important to you as well.
2. If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child, I wish you knew that it isn't because you have hurt me. My child's death is the cause of my tears. You have talked about my child, you spoke his name to me...the name we worked so long to perfect just for him...William Vincent Alexander Reynolds, when we get to tell or hear heart-warming stories about his life, then you have allowed me to share my blessed son with you by doing so and this is all a healing part of grief. I thank you for both.

3. I wish you wouldn't "kill" my child again by removing his pictures, artwork, or other remembrances from your home or suggest that I should remove them from my home or his room…and please don't criticize me when I post photos of him or express my feelings for him or refer to special memories on his memorial sites online…
4. Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away from me, I do not have a plague...I need you more than ever, though I often try to tell myself I don't.

5. I need diversions even though I must often avoid them because of the sheer physical pain that is so constant....but I need & want to hear about you; but grieving parents also need you to hear about them, and hear stories about their child. I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about my child...that you wouldn't shy away from talking about my son, my children are my favorite topic of the day.

6. I know that you think of and pray for me often. I also know that my child's death pains you, too. It was nice when people would let me know things through a phone call, a card or a note, or a real big hug.

7. I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in six months or even six years or sixteen years or even sixty years if I live that long. Those first months, even the first year were all very traumatic for me, but I was numb and in shock and really didn't "get" the awful finality and horror of it all until several years later when I was put on disability from my own car accidents and I only then had time to reflect and think and think about what had happened because I was no longer working 12-16 hour days 6-7 days a week just so that I wouldn't have to "think about what had happened", I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over - it seems it has just truly started. I will suffer the death of my child until the day I die. I will grieve for my child as long as he is dead.
8. I am working very hard in my recovery, but I wish you could understand that I will never fully recover. I will always miss my child, and I will always grieve that he is dead.
9. I wish you wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or to "be happy". Neither will happen for very long times so please don’t frustrate yourself by wishing me to be happy when I feel sad. Other's that have lost a child too have told me I need to "move on" or "that William wouldn't want me to be sad" but would he want me to "Forget him and go on with life as though he never lived? I CANNOT and WILL NOT do please be patient with me if it is difficult for me to be happy like before or smile as much as I did before....because I feel sad and my heart is broken. And no...I hate pity and am not seeking nor do I want to have a "pity party," but I do wish you would let me grieve.

10. I must hurt before I can heal. You cannot heal what you cannot feel.....and know the healing is a life-long process, because grieving the loss of a child lasts the rest of your life...when I lost my parents...I lost my past...when I lost my child...I lost my future with him...and the present is now a daily journey down the road called grief that I never wanted or expected to take. No parent should ever have to out-live their child.

11. I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is miserable for you to be around me when I'm feeling miserable so I try to stay alone when I'm feeling that badly...but please know that I isolate myself because of the pain I am feeling over the loss of my son so that others will not be "brought down" because I am down. I am trying to be respectful of my friends and even my family by doing this and it is not because I do not love you anymore.... Please be as patient with me as I am with you.

13. I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very normal. Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected. So please excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn or irritable and even angry at times....know it is not because of you at all...I am grieving for my only beloved son.

14. Your advice to "take one day at a time" is excellent. I wish you could understand that I'm doing good to handle his death even an hour at a time and sometimes even just one minute at a time…because sometimes the grief is so overwhelming that it is hard to even take a breath at times and I feel like I will suffocate under the heavy, powerful grip of grief.

15. I wish you understood that grief changes people. When my child died, a huge part of me died with him. My heart has been shattered and broken into a million pieces....I am not the same person I was before my child died...and I will never be that person again.

16. I wish very much that you could understand - understand my loss and my grief, my silence and my tears, my void and my pain. But I pray daily that you will NEVER, EVER HAVE TO understand…that you will NEVER have to know the pain of losing a child either through miscarriage, stillbirth, or death at any age….

17. Please know that while I will never, ever be the same person I was before my son died, I am striving everyday to obtain a “new normal” but it is long and slow in coming. Today is five years, 5 months, and 22 days since my son went missing and 5 years, 5 months, and 18 days since his car was found at the bottom of the gully on highway 49 under 8 feet of water after hitting an oak tree and rolling the car down the ravine into that icy water on that awful December morning...And PLEASE, No, DO NOT ask me if he was drunk or on drugs. He was not...the autopsy proved he was not and it hurts us to the very core when people ask us or even think it and tell other people that was what happened...He had only fallen asleep at the wheel on a long drive up the hill to his full time job, while in his first semester of college...he was just too tired to be driving that's all but it was enough....enough to change and break our family to pieces…..Even this long and it feels like just yesterday while at the same time feeling like it’s been a lifetime since I’ve seen his beautiful smile….had my last “boy-hug” and kissed his sun-browned cheeks….every moment of every day and sleepless nights I miss my son.

18. And last of all: Please do not tell me that I am setting my son up on a pedestal as an idol in my heart and that I am committing idolatry by doing this....I do NOT worship my son like I worship his Creator, my God…I only love my son and miss him here on earth...while I long for the day when we will all be together in Heaven with Jesus Christ and all of our family will once again be together, never to be parted again.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Be Back in the Groove Soon...I Hope!

I've been slacking, because of too much packing going on around here....will jump back into writing & photography...(no not physically jump in on severed ACL & torn meniscus tendons!) but will get back to it as soon as possible. Sending love to my faithful few followers xoxo!
Going crazy because ALL my books are packed up including photography & Photoshop books. Those should have been packed last I think!

Saturday, March 12, 2011

A Stranger Within Me

A Stranger Within Me

I don't what or who I am
Don't know myself at all
Don't understand, it's all a sham
Yet I'm with me for the long-haul

I wonder where the woman went
The one I used to be,
It's a stranger there within the glass
Who's staring back at me

Tears replace the smiles these days
Heartaches rob my peace
Will this stranger ever go
To give me sweet relief

I never thought and could not know
Or dare pray tell foresee
I didn't know there'd ever be
A stranger within me

© 2011 Susan Reynolds

Friday, March 11, 2011

There Is Still A Dream

After this early morning's horrific earthquake
and tsunamis in Japan and surrounding
areas...we can only hope, pray and
lend a helping hand to the thousands
of people so tragically affected by this event.
When suffering is at it's peak and all
around us is devastation, trials or
storms of life...we need to hold to
God's unfailing hand and remember this:
There Is Still A Dream To Believe In...
And maybe we can even
Dream In Color once more.
Photo courtesy of my daughter: Charlotte

Friday, February 25, 2011


After four long months absence, I lift my cyber pen to the proverbial page and once again attempt to write. It's been a season of drought for me, despite the many rainstorms we've had...a season of memories and heartache that don't leave when December ends...but goes with us throughout the year...hour after after day...month after month...year after year...until that blessed day shall come for which we all long.
Today I've chosen the song "FORGIVEN" by David Meece to go with the photography I'm posting. It has been necessary for me not just to "know with my head" but to truly "believe with my heart" that I am completely and totally forgiven. I chose to do the entire shoot in Black & White. Some thought the darkest cross was too harsh, too grim to represent forgiveness....I knew that it was just the settings on my camera that caused this one to come out so dark, as a silhouette, instead of showing the texture of the stone and the word
"FORGIVEN" imprinted thereon.
But to me, that darkness represented what I had been going through. It represented the darkness of my life before I knew the forgiveness of Jesus Christ. The rising sun caused the light to radiate and shine from behind the blackness of the cross in this photo, creating the silhouette...and though it may look morbid rather like representing death instead of life - That was the significance for me...before we are forgiven, our life is filled with a darkness that we cannot wash away...we could light a billion candles and that darkness of our soul would still haunt us...but the love and forgiveness that Jesus gave us so freely on the cross sheds light through that darkness that clouds our us a hope and a future.
Thus, for me, the cross is a symbol that I am forgiven for my failures, my shortcomings, and all shame because Jesus paid the supreme sacrifice so that I may live in the light of His forgiveness...bask in the glory of His willingness to pardon every wrong doing...enjoy freedom from guilt...The cross is not at all an excuse for me to fail, but a symbol of hope that I will overcome & one day I shall succeed.
FORGIVEN By: David Meece
It was a cloudy day
The earth stood still
Man hung crying in the shadows
Of a hill called Calvary
An innocent man, belied and scorned
Had gladly borne the pain
And suffering for a world
That should have died there in His place
And as He did, He said,

"Forgive them no matter what they’ve done
Forgive them and tell them they are loved
And give to them a chance to go on living
And give to them a life that they could
never have before
Father, forgive them"

And to pay the price
He became the sacrifice
Surely, He carried all of my sorrows
And He bore my every grief
And did it willingly
He shed His blood for me
And through the tears, I still can see Him
Gaze with love upon the ones who cursed His name
He gave his all to say

We’re forgiven no matter what we’ve done
Forgiven and sheltered by His blood
And we’re given a chance to go on living
And we’re given a life that we could
never have before

No matter what we’ve done
Forgiven and sheltered by His blood
And we’re given a chance to go on living
Forgiven no matter what we’ve done
Forgiven and sheltered by His blood

I kneel before the Creator of the universe...I accept His forgiveness and I know that because of the cross...because I am FORGIVEN...I can and will be victorious.
And to please my is a version of the first one with a touch of the colors of the rainbow...also a symbol of God's promise to us...A promise He never fails to keep.