Simply Divine Photography

A Deep Blue Funk

2010-07-22T18:53:00.000-07:00

"I am feeling blue, I am seeing blue...My soul must try to

create a masterpiece in blue to symbolize what my

mind is seeing, what my heart is feeling...I must try to

discover what my spirit is telling my inner artist to create."

When these words came to me...all I was seeing was blue. I was completely immersed in a Blue Funk. Blue in my mind, blue in my heart, blue in my soul and blue in my spirit. The music I was hearing even sounded blue to me.

Throughout the time I was reading and since I finished "A River Runs Through It & Other Stories" by Norman Maclean...and posted "Whispers From the Water", I decided then & there that I had to create something BLUE...

ALL BLUE. No other color would do but BLUE.

This posed a problem though...what could I find to signify the profound, deep hues of blue I was seeing in the darkness of the night? It was almost 3:45 in the morning when I started looking around the family room for something that was blue...the right kind of blue...a deep, rich, compelling blue with shadows of light and dark mixed in like the dark blue velvet of the night sky just before the sun fully sets. I could picture it so well in my mind, but here I was stuck in my home in the middle of the night...dark outside, mostly dark inside except for a small desk lamp and the light from my computer screen.

The light blue of the background from Windows 7 were annoying me, the sky blue of my lens cleaner cloth on the desk, the blue of a candle on top of the cabinet, the different shades of blue book covers in the library shelf, the cover of my current journal on the desk beside me, the blue light that was lit up on the "on" button of my smaller printer, the blue flashing on the wireless router for my internet, these last two were closer...but they just were not what I was seeing in my mind... the blues surrounding me were all wrong because they were so far from the deep, luxurious, elegant, royal blue that was saturating my mind & enveloping my very soul.

Then I happened to glance upward & there in the shadows on the top hutch of my desk was the original keychain that was given to us in the care basket that Denise brought to our home on Christmas Eve, about two weeks after our son's funeral service. (Denise is now a very dear friend of mine...she had lost her son in a similar car accident the year before & understood what we had gone through during those four days of searching & she had begun to reach out to newly bereaved parents. Because of her own loss, she started the Sean Sullivan Project in honor & loving memory of her own son, to minister & help bring hope & healing to other hurting families.)

The basket was filled with beautiful items, many were personalized with Will's photo & name, such as: a Christmas ornament, a license plate frame, candles, books on hope, a CD of comforting songs...so many beautiful things, & she had made a personalized keychain with William's picture on one side & a song I wrote on the other...She had gotten them from the Memorial Program we had made for William's service...I didn't even know she was there, but she had seen the search & on the news & found out from the newspaper when the service would be held.

The picture of Will on the front of the cover was the one she used for the keychain & in that picture he was wearing a deep, royal blue shirt. This was the blue I was seeing in my mind...but what could I find to match that color to begin creating "Blue"?

Well, it was so hot here in my home went in the kitchen to get a drink of water and there on my table, forgotten while at the computer in the family room, I saw my white ceramic pitcher filled to overflowing with the first cuttings of the darkest Blue Hydrangeas that I have ever seen....this was the color...these Blue Hydrangeas would be my subject.
The winter before last, I had gone to the nursery to find out what to feed my Hydrangea plants to make them blue, because while the Hydrangea is my favorite flower, (along with the Old English Roses) the blue ones are my favorite....so I bought the product they recommended & followed the directions to apply it at the base of each plant 3 to 4 times during the dormant & early spring.

Well, I did that and more...about 5 or 6 times and used quite a lot of it because I wanted all of my hydrangeas to be blue in spring of 2009...well, I guess I gave them way too much because what I got was a lot of branch & leaf growth but just a very few pinkish, lavender blossoms. After what happened last winter & spring, I didn't give them any at all, and this year I was blessed beyond measure with literally loads of the deepest Blue Hydrangeas on all of my plants that I have ever, ever seen on any Hydrangea plant.

Two days prior to this night, I had cut a huge bouquet of them to fill the white ceramic pitcher on my kitchen table...I keep it filled with water until they are dry and crispy. They are gorgeous & very pretty when dried. I have vases of them in several rooms from prior years dryings.

But, here at last, my quest for the right kind of blue had ceased! Now, just to compose a masterpiece from these blue beauties.

I took a some raw file photos of the flowers in the vase, using no flash, a fluorescent white balance and an ISO of only 100...by the time I was done, it was beginning of first light.

Knowing there would be enough light to get photos outside without waiting for the sun to rise, I set the white balance to cloudy and snapped a lot more raw file photos from the live plants outside. On these the tiny little center flowers with the white stamens were still open and fresh without the signs of withering like on the bouquet on my table.

Then began the post processing...it was time to adjust the exposure, contrast, levels, sharpening, temperature, clarity, vibrancy, blacks, hue and saturation, dodging and burning...just like developing film in the darkroom during days gone by...only now we do it digitally on the computer.
I created several different versions and crops of a few of the photos and finally felt I'd reached my goal when I created the Blue Hydrangea At Midnight which is the first photo in my series of the blue streak on this post. This one was from the series I took in the kitchen under bright fluorescent lighting.

Another favorite is the second post the original "Pre-Dawn Blues" unedited...taken outside at first light before the sun arose. The rest of them are basically just time spent experimenting with different filters and textures...but at last I'd found the Blue that matched perfectly with what I had written down so much earlier in the day...

"I am feeling blue, I am seeing blue...My soul must try to

create a masterpiece in blue to symbolize what my

mind is seeing, what my heart is feeling...I must try to

discover what my spirit is telling my inner artist to create."

But even though I felt so blue and filled with despair...the scripture never ceases to uplift, " Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God."

II Corinthians 1:3-4 (KJV)

Whispers From The Water

2010-07-15T09:56:00.000-07:00

My son, my son, my only beloved son...I sat outside in the darkness...listening to the sounds of the night...hearing water running in the backyard of our neighbor's fountain...seeing the stars glittering in the blackness of the night sky where no moon was visible...as considered apt for performing Shradh to honor the death of parents and relatives in the traditional Hindu religion...the death of my son....my only beloved son. No, I am not Hindu, nor was I performing Shradh...I was just outside alone in the night thinking, meditating, praying and remembering the other dark nights...the ones we spent searching for you, my son.

Yesterday, I finished reading the book "A River Runs Through It And Other Stories" by Norman Maclean. Some things reminded me of you, William, but mostly it was the river...the water...picturing in my mind the ebb and flow of the light on the water such as it was the day I went up to Devil's Falls, and it made me think of the words by Norman Maclean as he stated, "Eventually, all things merge into one, and a river runs through it. The river was cut by the world's great flood and runs over rocks from the basement of time. On some of those rocks are timeless raindrops. Under the rocks are the words, and some of the words are theirs. I am haunted by waters."

I am not just haunted by the waters and the words that belong to them...but by what lay under the waters for four days waiting to be found, to be rescued...those waters certainly have words that belong only to them, though as your mum...I have a desperate need to know what your last words were as you struggled to get free...those words...they are mine, they do not belong to the river...they belong to me....and they will haunt me forever.

For now...just know that I love you forever and miss you desperately, William, my only beloved son. I love you with all of my mother's heart and soul...I wish you were still with us...I'd gladly give my life, my all to have you alive...but I wasn't given the choice...so for the rest of my life....I will listen closely for the Whispers From The Water...that someday they will become clear to me.

Can You Ignore A Red Door?

2010-07-09T18:50:00.000-07:00

Can You Ignore A Red Door?

I can't...

I've always loved the intrigue &

beauty that a red door portrays.

A Red Door seems to excite

curiosity and draws one in...

an open invitation to

explore what lies beyond.

It's symbolic to me that a

RED DOOR

defines itself as mysterious.

Creativity itself is enigmatic...

It is unfathomable in its

potential.

Finding the Creative Artist

that lies within each & every

one of us should be a goal

worth obtaining.

I'm on a quest to find my

Red Door.

"Steel Magnolia"

2010-07-03T03:27:00.000-07:00

It matters not whether you

believe in God...

because He believes in you.

He can take something old

and broken and ugly...

something nobody wants

to be around,

such as a rusted piece of

steel...He can transform

that thing...that person,

into a creature of utter beauty

as depicted in my version of

"Steel Magnolia"

I rest my case.

"Cover Me"

2010-06-25T04:39:00.000-07:00

After seeing a single petal

covering the heart of a

Magnolia blossom...just one

thing has been on my mind

all day...The Song

"Cover Me" by: Bebo Norman

from the Album "Big Blue Sky"

It says all I can or need to

say tonight...maybe all
I need to say forever...

"Cover Me" by: Bebo Norman

Cover me, cover up my tears

Cover up this one
who's covered up in fear

'Cuz I need a peace of mind,

I need a piece of You

To cover all that's gone

and everything that's new

'Cuz You unveil me
with Your mercy

I want to breathe You in

And You unfold me,

then You hold me

So...Cover up my heart,

cover up my soul

Cover up this world and

everything I know

You cover up the sky

You cover up the sea

Cover up the mountains

and every part of me

Every single breath I breathe…

Cover me

I am still alive,

but covered up in years

Covered up in lines

as joy has disappeared

So give me a peace of mind,

give me a piece of You

To cover all that's old

with everything that's new

You unveil me with Your mercy

I want to breathe You in

You unfold me,

then You hold me

So...Cover up my heart,

cover up my soul

Cover up this world

and everything I know

You cover up the sky

You cover up the sea

Cover up the mountains

and every part of me

Every single breath I breathe...

Cover me

Cuz' You unveil me with

Your mercy

I want to breathe You in

And You unfold me

then You hold me

I want to shed this skin

You unveil me

with Your mercy

You unfold me

then You hold me

You un-break me,

Would You take me home?

And Cover up my heart

Cover up my soul

Cover up this world

And everything I know

Cover up the sky

Cover up the sea

Cover up the mountains

and every part of me

Every single breath I breathe…

Cover me

You can hear this beautiful song on

the link to YouTube below:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1pgqOvLKh4&feature=related

IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE

2010-06-16T12:22:00.000-07:00

DAY ONE OF MY ARTIST'S JOURNEY...IT WAS SO UNBELIEVABLE...BUT FOUR & A HALF DAYS WITHOUT SLEEP AND I'M TOO WEARY TO EVEN DOWNLOAD THE PICTURES, NEVER MIND TRYIN TO COMPLETE ANY EDITING IF NECESSARY OR TELL THE STORY...MUST LAY DOWN AND TRY HARD TO CATCH SOME MUCH NEEDED ZZZZZ'S ~ I HOPE I DREAM ABOUT YESTERDAY...THAT WOULD BE A VERY GOOD DREAM... AND THE PINKEST OF PINK DREAMS! THIS WAS OUR SECRET CODE FOR MY DAUGHTER AT BEDTIME TO MAKE SHE HER DREAMS WERE FUN AND GOOD WITH NO NIGHTMARES, AND WELL...IT'S STILL A HAPPY HABIT WITH US TODAY (Insert PINK smiley face here :)

THIS PHOTO' S TITLE IS "POSITIVELY PINK!" HOW FITTING FOR MY HOPES FROM YESTERDAY'S JOURNEY TO THE HEART AND SOUL OF THE ARTIST IN ME...

MORE TO COME WITH PHOTOS FROM THE ARTIST'S WAY WEEK ONE...CHECK IT OUT TOMORROW OR MAYBE A MONTH FROM NOW, IF I'M ABLE TO GET SOME SLEEP.

I ALSO MUST FIGURE OUT WHAT IS WRONG WITH BEING UNABLE TO DOWN THE NEW PHOTOS FROM THE LAST FEW SHOOTS IN LIGHTROOM 2 - WHEN I DO, I CANNOT OPEN THEM IN CS4 TO EDIT - SO HOPEFULLY THE STORY OF MY JOURNEY WILL BE POSTED BY TOMORROW...IF NOT...THEN AS SOON AS I GET THE PHOTO DOWNLOAD TO WORK CORRECTLY - LIGHTROOM AUTO-POPULATES TO DOWNLOAD ALL PHOTOS INSTEAD OF THE BOX POPPING UP TO ASK WHERE I'D LIKE TO UPLOAD THEM TO LIKE IT USUALLY DOES...THEN WHEN I TRY TO OPEN ONE TO EDIT IT, LIGHTROOM 2 GIVES ME THE ERROR THAT THE FILE IS MISSING OR CANNOT BE FOUND AND DANG IT I JUST KNOW I UPLOADED THEM ALL...AND THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE!
COMPUTER GURU...HELP!!! ANYONE WITH AN ANSWER ON HOW TO MAKE WINDOWS OR ADOBE BRIDGE MY AUTOMATIC UPLOAD SELECTION - TRIED TO LOOK IT UP IN "WINDOWS 7: THE MISSING MANUAL, BUT TOO TIRED AND IT ALL LOOKS LIKE GREEK TO ME...SEE I DO RAMBLE WHEN I'M THIS TIRED!

HUGS TO ALL MY FAITHFUL READERS....I TRULY APPRECIATE YOU TAKING THE TIME OUT OF YOUR BUSY DAYS TO BROWSE THROUGH MY FEW PHOTOS, WRITINGS AND SOMETIMES RAMBLINGS...BUT IT KEEPS ME GOING AND MAKES MY HEART SMILE WHEN YOU LEAVE COMMENTS!!! OFF TO THE LAND OF PINK DREAMS HOPEFULLY!

IF YOU'D BE SO KIND, YOU CAN SUGGEST MY BLOG TO YOUR FRIENDS OR FELLOW PHOTOGRAPHERS....I'VE MET SOME OF THE ORIGINAL 2009 SOAR SCHOLARSHIP APPLICANTS AND FOLLOW THEIR BLOGS TOO...GOOGLE READER MAKE IT EASY TO SEE ALL THE NEW POSTS FROM ALL THE BLOGS YOU'RE FOLLOWING - SAVES A LOT OF TIME (WHICH WE ALL NEED MORE OF!) FOR GOODNESS SAKE...I MUST STOP RAMBLING AND LAY DOWN...I'M STARTING TO HEAR MUSIC THAT ISN'T PLAYING AND SEE WEBBING WHEN I SEE THINGS MOVE...BED HERE I COME...THIS IS SCARY!!!
TOP O' THE AFTERNOON TO YOU...WHILE I MAKE A MAJOR ATTEMPT TO SLEEP..SLEEP....SLEEP....SLEEP.

Take Time To Smell The Flowers

2010-06-15T07:29:00.000-07:00

I am starting The Artist's Way Program today.
So, I'm off for a secret rendezvous with my
inner artist and hope to gain some insightful
wisdom and discover new ways of writing.
Delve into the particular style of
photographic art by trying new things.

In the meantime, take the time to

stop and not just smell the flowers,
but really look at them in all their
graceful exquisiteness.

It will open not just your eyes to their
beauty, but their color and scent will
open a well of peaceful tranquility
within your soul.

~ Enjoy Life Today ~

TO ERR IS HUMAN

2010-05-20T22:12:00.000-07:00

"TO ERR IS HUMAN, TO FORGIVE IS DIVINE."
Quote By: Alexander Pope (May 21, 1688 – May 30, 1744). Alexander Pope was an eighteenth-century English poet, best known for his satirical verse and for his translation of Homer.
This quote seems to be all I can think of today for the online posting...doing much more on my offline writing...
The computer is going into the shop today so will be offline until I get it back ~ In the meantime, I'll be writing on paper more...Hope everyone has a wonderful Memorial Day weekend.
P.S. I love and miss you my Sweet William.

2010-05-19T01:09:00.001-07:00

If today is anything like yesterday, I think I'll stay in bed and just cover up my head....been living Murphey's Law lately. Things need to change, sooner rather than later.

2010-05-18T18:51:00.000-07:00

Sleep walking ~ that's what it feels like I'm doing today. I have less than six hours left in today and wondering what will happen in the next five hours and thrity minutes. I hope something different happens than just the usual same old, same old...

2010-05-17T22:48:00.001-07:00

More to come in a just a bit when I've edited and found a photo to match....
Ah, and now I cannot find the document. Just can't remember what I titled it so it may be a while before I can finish this post.
So, I'll work on the next one instead :)

The Blessings Of Family

2010-05-16T12:58:00.000-07:00

After the Preston Castle Shoot for our Soar Photography group, my daughter and husband spent the rest of the day with my sister, Sherry, her husband, Les, and their kids, Stacie, and Clayton and his wife, Sarah.

We had such a nice day, just spending time with our beloved family, after they came home from years spent back east.

I'm so thankful to have my sister back home. My heart smiles today from the memories and good times of yesterday.

Nope, no photos, just happy memories.

Basic Necessities

2010-05-14T03:10:00.000-07:00

Basic necessities are the only things we
really need besides Love and Hope.

That's All Folks.

My Mantra

2010-05-12T23:45:00.000-07:00

No picture today...just wicked tired and need to sleep.
I just wanted to check in to make sure I didn't fall off the good habit wagon.
Wrote a lot on paper today, but don't have the time or heart to do anything else.
I did do something today that I had not been able to do for over a year though...made me nervous and a bit confused. It shouldn't have, but it did.
Honesty in all I do and say...This is my mantra for the rest of my life ~

SUBDUED AND CONQUERED...VICTORY IS SWEET!

2010-05-11T23:56:00.000-07:00

You can be proud of your G.I. Jane Mum, Will

& Char! I've subdued my addiction to gum

& conquered the affliction of procrastination,

not just with writing, but with finally

getting rid of over a decade of paperwork!

I have a reason to smile...even small victories are sweet!

I have indeed made it the full 21 days...writing every single day, not just online, but in my personal journals, and writing assignments from several workbooks on the subject!!! I have also made it through 21 entire days without even the feel of gum in my mouth...I really didn't think I could do that one, and sure surprised myself that I actually did make it the full 21 days (it's 11:31 right now and I've only 29 more minutes to go) but I KNOW I'll do it and that is extremely exciting for me. I was pretty sure I could do the writing, but the gum thing that I've been addicted to all my life...2 and sometimes 3 packs a day (gosh it sound like a cigarette addiction - lol) when I was really worried about something it may have been even more than 3...I was more than a little skeptical that I'd make it the entire way, especially after finding it around the house! But the important thing is that I set 2 goals and accomplished them.

Now, I will set a limit to a pack a week...I'll save a lot of money too...kind of reminds me when I was working...before disability laid me up for three years.

I worked so much overtime, and became SO addicted to coffee at Starbucks, that I'd go in as soon as they opened...found one that opened at 4:00 a.m. and would get a Venti with 5 shots added in the a.m. (so that was either 7 or 8 shots total since I can't remember if a Venti has 2 or 3 shots to start with.) Then, because I worked such long days, I'd be required to take two lunches. So, on my second lunch, I'd go to the Starbucks by my job and get another Venti nonfat, sugar-free vanilla latte with 5 more shots for the afternoon. This happened six days a week!

After several years of doing this, I became curious about just how much I was spending at Starbucks...so, I tallied up the charges on my bank statement, and my bill alone was over $400.00 a month! That's not counting when we'd go out together as a family of four for a Starbucks treat in the evenings or early Saturday mornings or my husband's purchases from the Starbucks in Lincoln when he was working! What a rude awakening to such a colossal waste of money....so, I bought my own French press, the Verona beans, a grinder and made my own STRONG coffee at home, even purchased a French-press cup to take to work, so I could make my own there too...and thus ended my addiction to Starbucks. I'll have one maybe 2 or 3 times a year, but each time I go to pay, I cringe at the price! lol ~ Me who used to be a confirmed shopaholic (only name brand everything for my family and me) has turned over a new leaf and indeed become a miser...never thought I'd see the day...but I've seen the light of frivolous spending and have radically changed my ways FOREVER! (I even sold most of my name brand stuff that was either like new or still had the tags attached on Ebay!) And did I mention I've always been a book addict. Loved the smell and feel of a brand new book...searched online for rare editions of my favorite classics...didn't sell those on Ebay, but a lot of the others got packed up and shipped out to my Ebay customers too, yet I refuse to scrimp on journals...love the embossed leather bound ones or those one of a kind truly unique journals...I like the creamy thick paper...no lines...I hate journals with lines, too constricting...love to write diagonal sometimes any which way and sometimes sketch a little picture. Oh, I've got some older ones or gift ones that have lines that have been well used, but no lines is my preference....complete freedom on the page! Wow...I do get off track so easily.

But here is my completion chant of victory for 21 days toward better habits.

"YAY...I REALLY, TRULY MADE IT!!! I CONQUERED TWO GOALS!!!

CAN YOU TELL I'M JUST GIDDY ON THE INSIDE ~ GRINNING LIKE A FOOL ON THE OUTSIDE AND IF I WASN'T AFRAID THE NEIGHBORS WOULD CALL THE POLICE, I'D GO OUTSIDE AND LITERALLY SHOUT IT TO THE WORLD THAT I MADE UP MY MIND, I SET 2 GOALS, I DEFEATED AN ADDICTION TO GUM...I'VE CARRIED TO FULFILLMENT THE GOAL TO WRITE EVERY DAY...I'VE SUBDUED AND CONQUERED! VICTORY IS SWEET!!!" (The all caps is in place of shouting out to my neighborhood!)

I had another last gum story, but I must post this piece so it shows up before May 11th is gone in 4 more minutes so it will show as posted today.
"OKAY, BUT FOR NOW, JUST...YAY, YAY, DOUBLE & TRIPLE DECKER YAY FOR ME!!! CLAP!!! CLAP!!! CLAP!!! AWE...C'MON....I'LL JUST GIVE MYSELF A STANDING OVATION!
I remember how you always used to tell Charlotte to be a G.I Joe...be tough and not cry when she'd fall off her bike and things like that...so I thought the
photo of me in army fatigues only too perfect for my war against the bad habits gum addiction and procrastination!
So today I am a G.I. Jane for you, William :)

Will's Wild-Haired, Giant Bobble-Headed People

2010-05-10T22:56:00.000-07:00

Today is day number 20 of my 21 day journey to test out the theory on making or breaking a habit if you do something or don't do something for 21 days straight. I can't believe I've actually made it this long without chewing any gum at all, even when I found a pack of my favorite, Watermelon Twist Trident, in my camera bag in the 'wee-sma' hours of the night! I was frantically

searching for at least the USB cable to hook my camera directly to the computer so I could take a photo of the card Charlotte made me for Mother's Day in 1990, because in all of my sorting, shredding, filing, burning & trashing of the seemingly millions of tons of paperwork that's been boxed up for over a decade, I could not find any of the three card readers I have...& I was so desperate to get that photo of her kindergarten card on the post for Mother's Day because it was so perfect for the journey I've embarked upon. I finally gave up the search & used my cell phone to take the photo...that way, I could email it to myself to save to my files so I could then upload it to my blog for the Mum's Day. (wow was that ever a run-on sentence...need to brush up my English Grammar when I'm done with the paperwork!)

Back to the story:

I finally succeeded in getting that precious comment & the picture Charlotte drew of the two of us, duly noted in my writings for yesterday.

It's so funny the difference in how children perceive people, and in turn, draw them out on paper.

Charlotte always drew big boxy people with small heads & barely discernible hands and feet, but then she was older and noticed things more. William, on the other hand, drew great big round bobble heads, with enormous wild orange hair (or any other outrageous EXTREME color he was digging at the moment) big smiles and then just a bunch of long uneven legs around the bottom...usually a ton of extra long legs...He was 2 years old when he drew this...the upper right corner is me adding a note that is was drawn on September 7, 1989...just a toddler yet he noticed that people have both upper and lower lashes...I find that an interesting acknowledgement when he has so many legs or maybe they are legs and arms....maybe he drew so many legs because he couldn't ever sit still, he was always on the run to discover new treasures in his own little world. So perhaps he was just thinking if he had more legs he could get to his "fun stuff" faster ~ Who Knows?!?!

Here is a precious picture William drew of one of his wild-haired Giant-Bobble-Headed people with a ton of long legs! (Compliments once again of my cell phone :) ~ I really need to get the real camera out of its bag & get back to shooting...anyway here is his fabulous self portrait at 2 years old!

He traced over his name & the short sentence: "This is me." Then proceeded to draw this picture. Oh how I absolutely LOVE finding all these treasures from my children's youngest years once more. It sure made the horrid job of filing, shredding, burning, trashing & yet more filing for over 46 hours straight a whole lot more enjoyable!

But...I still have over a dozen more bins to go through from the shed sitting on the back patio...ugh! Hey though, maybe I'll find more & more treasures from my little kiddies made during their childhood, so it might not be so bad.

As for leaving the job of organizing, shredding, burning, filing & trashing for over a decade (Unbelievable, I know) Well, this has been a lesson "WELL LEARNED!"

I will NEVER let a decade go by with out organizing my files & paperwork EVER, EVER, EVER again! Cant wait to "CHECK" this one off of my "TO DO" list...I just love the feeling of accomplishment after that nice
firm "CHECK" crosses off a task!

A Mother's Day From The Past

2010-05-09T21:39:00.000-07:00

While going through bins and boxes of old

paperwork to be filed or shredded, I came

upon a few precious boxes of keepsakes

from my children and some that were given

to me when my own Mother passed away...

letters and cards I written to her as a child

& even as an adult. She kept & dated them

all, just like I do with my own children.
It's been a rough time, going through

years & years of old paperwork, even finding
notes that William wrote on the back of
old mail or things like that (now saved
to be put in his memory books)...Sorting,

filing shredding, some stuff dating back to

the late 80's & early 90's. Yes, I put it

off, but now I am also getting it done,

one bin at a time & believe me there are

A LOT of them to go through...why did

I ever let it go this long is crazy, but maybe

someone up above knew I needed to

find that certain card just for today...
There was one Mother's Day card that
stood out to me above the others during my
21 day test of making a good habit of
writing every day & breaking a bad
habit of chewing gum so often.

It was dated 1990.

It was from my daughter Charlotte...she

was just 5 years old. Her kindergarten

teacher had asked her a bunch of

questions about her mom & then wrote

down her answers in each square of

the card booklet on the page...then

Charlotte drew a picture to go with

each answer.

Her answers to most of the questions

made me smile & then one made me
laugh to the point of tears

It was this question...
"What She does that makes me happy."

(There was a little smiley face there to

indicate happiness.) Charlotte's response
to her teacher's question was this:
"She gives me gum!"

I guess I took what made me sad in my

childhood, and tried to make my children

happy...I didn't remember that card from

1990 that Charlotte gave me when she

was just 5 years old,

but I guess I made her happy!
It went with my experiment so well,

I couldn't resist adding it today on

Mother's Day 2010, twenty years later....

when I'm in the midst of my own battle

with gum! How fitting a Mother's Day

gift for me today, to know that I made

her happy by letting her have gum!

I love you baby girl, our Princess Charlotte,

& I love you my only beloved son,

My Sweet William...

My Lil Brown Boy up in Heaven.

You both made being a Mum the

sweetest thing I've ever done!

2010-05-08T12:46:00.000-07:00

Doing what I need to do to stay on track, even when the pain is overwhelming...writing everyday...staying away from gum.
It's day 18 of my 21 day run and looks like I'll make it to the end seeing as there is only 3 days left to reach 21 after today is over.

2010-05-07T23:24:00.000-07:00

No title, no photo...but post I must...anything to keep at it while I struggle through the migraine. Yes, I've kept my word...still no gum. Just can't wait for this headache to go away.

2010-05-06T18:02:00.000-07:00

Forgive the practically "non-post" quality lately. Sicker than a dog with this migraine on top of increasing back and knee pain from the fall earlier this week. Hard to even walk at all right now. Still no gum...and still trying to write a bit everyday...

2010-05-05T13:21:00.001-07:00

Headache came back full force during the night along with one of the worst nightmares I've had in a long time.
Still no gum...still writing, just not on the computer - too light...this headache has to break sometime soon...unbearable.

2010-05-04T15:58:00.001-07:00

Migraine is getting to the "bearable" point...so may be able to post later tonight, but still writing in my journals/notebooks and still a no-go on the gum...learning to relax my jaws too, so there's a plus to this crazy experiment.

Still In The Game

2010-05-03T22:50:00.000-07:00

Headache is still raging...can't think too straight. Checking in to say...still no gum and still writing even if only a line or two till this migraine lets up.
Yes, I'm still in the game.

My Head Is Still A Great Big Migraine

2010-05-02T20:15:00.000-07:00

Still down with major league migraine...sigh...but I'm writing in a notebook so that counts. Will add them to my posts when this headache finally lets up.
Love to all my readers and yes....I'm still winning the trial.
It's day 12 of 21 days...almost there so it's all good :)

ZZZZZZZZZ's Needed

2010-05-02T06:13:00.000-07:00

I've truly not slept for ages and I've been working on one post most of Friday and another one on Saturday, but need to use a yellow pad & pen because the brightness of the computer screen still aggravates the migraine.

Hopefully will be able to post as normal by Monday at the latest.

Now I lay me down to try to sleep even though it's now 6:00 a.m.

It's lonely at night up alone...but I still have not peeked into that zippered pouch of Matt's lunch box to sneak a piece of gum...on over half way there and I've written quite a bit every day, just need to post the last two.

Good morning world, but it's Good night for me ~ just hope I can truly catch some zzzzzz's! That's how I spell relief...zzzzzz's for me!

Please, Please, Please!